It's been a while.

My SQ was... interesting, on many many levels. I did a lot of new things, some of which I'd never thought I would do, and for the most part, I'm glad.

Up until yesterday, every time I thought about my BMQ/SQ, it was with a tinge of regret: I had wanted, if I could go back in time, to re-do it and fix my mistakes, do it better. But for the first time, I don't feel that way. I think I'm finally letting go...

Some of the things I had regretted / not enjoyed:
- being the only female in my section
- having my fire-team partner be at least a foot taller than me
- being fire-team partners with, possibly the "mentally" weakest person in the section (while I was possibly the physically weakest person in the platoon--THAT was not fun)
- my pain issues (since I have difficulty interpreting pain, I've trained myself to take a moment to assess whether there's any damage; unfortunately, this is seen as weakness by those who don't understand it)
- scaring off PK...
- my "reputation"
- making a scene when I twisted my ankle
- making a scene out of anything
- falling behind on that run
- clogging a piece of that weapon with a cotton swab (though, in my defense, there was little anyone could have done to prevent it; the whole cotton tip came off because it was cheap)
- having my period during the FTX (holy crap that was annoying); and then, because I wasn't producing enough oestrogen, I'd have leaks now and then, which made me think I was having my period again for only a day MAN that was aggravating!
...

There was a lot I was proud of / enjoyed, though...
- when my fire-team partner stood up for me when were were all going to sleep and chatting, he said, "She's a good fire-team partner"
- when I *finally* DIDN'T die during a section attack
- PK...
- not being the only queer on course (woo~)
- weapons, holy crap weapons
- 25/25 on my PWT1, first try
...

There's more, I'm just not thinking too hard about it right now.



This past weekend, my unit did our first ever Battle Fitness Test. This is our first year. We did two parts:

- 13km ruck march
with 24.5kg total kit on you (including ruck, tac vest etc)
under 2h 26min

- casualty evacuation
using fireman's carry
carry a soldier of similar height/weight (ideally!)
a distance of 100m
in under 60s

There's another part to the BFT, the trench dig, but it's so hard to organize, so we didn't do it this time.

I'll admit, I was worried I wouldn't pass. The only work-up training I'd done was a 6-7km ruck march with the rest of my Tp. AND, two days beforehand, I decided it'd be a good idea to do a lap (about 250m) of lunges at the gym. Ouch.

But I passed!

And I'm so proud of myself!




I feel like I'm becoming a new person. I was weaker in BMQ/SQ, but that was months ago. I'm stronger, both physically and even mentally/emotionally.

Of course, I'm also recovering from a nasty flu right now, but I sustain my claim.


It's....an interesting experience. I can feel myself in the middle of change; and I have a sort of idea where I'm headed... but not quite.


...more later
--Jazzeria